March 2012
72 posts
5 tags
"HEY, YOU STOLE MY CHEETOS!!!!"
Jesse: "So, I was trying these one pair of pants on and they were super tight on me-"
Kellin: "HEY, YOU STOLE MY CHEETOS!" (attacks Jesse)
February 2012
26 posts
8 tags
"Funny Tour Stories?" - We Came As Romans (Josh...
Andy: Our old vocalist puked everywhere one time. Ummmmm, I've seen you fall--(Points to Josh) I've seen Josh fall.
Josh: Yeah, I've fallen--
Andy: I've never fallen. (knocks on the wooden countertop next to him) Um...
Someone offscreen: You broke your toe on the barricade.
Andy: Oh, I broke my toe on the barricade! Yeah! Ah, this is a good story! Check this out: Lou's--Lou's wailin' away, and I'm wailin' away, and I'm like 'Yeah, let's go jump in the crowd.' It was sick. So we jump...and of course everyone catches Louie, and he's just like... (plays air guitar) it's like a music video. He's surfin' like he's a--screa--sqeals a perfect--security guard's like 'oh oh oh!' grabbed him like 'Ah!', set him down like an angel, and you know and like he's playing guitar, walking back, giving kids high-fives, gets back on the stage. Me? I jump in, kids are like 'Woah!' (makes a motion of kids not quite catching him) and I was like this (plays air guitar) and get back up, and I'm like gettin' tossed around and bass is gettin' all outta tune; just sounds like--Kyle's like 'What is that?' And then, they throw me over, these security guards are a little like--they're just like glorying Lou, and I'm over here, I go OVER, and there's like a step with the barricade where they like stand and pick people up; my toe gets caught in the barricade and just goes (makes a sound like a bone breaking) like that, so my toe's like this, (makes an idea of it with his fingers) so I get up and I was like 'That was nuts!' And so I'm walking and I'm like 'alright!' and then I'm like 'Uh oh.' and like fallin' over like--I sit down and take my shoe off and it's just (makes another sign with his fingers) Man!
5 tags
Skins - Nick and Frankie
Nick: So what now?
Frankie: ......Maybe we just enjoy it.
Nick: ....Sounds good.... Sounds perfect.
4 tags
“I wish I fucking could! But I can’t! (points to his head) ‘Cause...”
– Nick Levan from Skins UK (Sean Teale)
3 tags
“Yeah, we just got here. You can tell because we don’t smell like balls.”
– Mini McGuinness from Skins UK (Freya Mavor)
3 tags
“Sorry, mate. You’re crap. Über crap.”
– Nick Levan from Skins UK (Sean Teale)
5 tags
Big Love - Ben and Rhonda
Rhonda: Thanks for all the groceries, Ben. This must be at least a hundred dollars worth of food. Did you bring a can opener?
Ben: You don't have a can opener?
Heather: Don't worry, I'll grab one from work. Lod eats a lotta tuna.
Ben: I don't think you should work at that place, Rhonda. I think you can do a lot better.
Rhonda: I'm a good singer, and I'm a good dancer, and I know it, and I like to do it.
Ben: But it's not a nice place; it's really skeezy. What kind of future is that?
Rhonda: Look, I only work places with a three foot rule... I don't let men touch me, if that's what your worried about... I'm not a tramp...and no one takes advantage of me.
Ben: ...Rhonda, we can't do what we did again... I can still come by... I can still bring you things. But, as a friend..... Are you okay with that?
(Rhonda kisses Ben on the cheek)
Rhonda: Thanks for helping me.
Ben: You're welcome.
(Rhonda nods and walks away)
4 tags
Big Love - Heather and the Bishop
Bishop: So, how's it down in Cougar Town?
Heather: I love BYU. I solved that thing with my dorm mate. She puts it on every day now; smells a lot better.
Bishop: Good! Well you did her a favor. No one wants to date a smelly flower.
(Heather makes a weird face)
Bishop: How's your missionary doing?
Heather: That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Bishop. I don't know what to do... And I've already prayed about it. It's just... I really like him. And we write like twice a week.
Bishop: But you've met another boy.
Heather: I never expected to get serious about this boy... Or his family.
Bishop: Heather, this is a common dilemma for young women to face with their missionaries, or a way of staying true.
Heather: They're polygamists.
Bishop: ...Sister Tuttle, you and I both know what you believe what our church believes about Polygamy.
Heather: His parents are polygamists, but he's still trying to figure out what he is, and I wanna help him, but...something happened. I overheard it...and there's...no one for me to talk to about it; not even him..... They're a good family, Bishop. They don't deserve to be singled out...or shunned by the entire city.
Bishop: ...Perhaps you'd feel better if you unburdened yourself.
3 tags
“Imma pee on everything you love.”
– Alex Gaskarth
7 tags
"That's true; God gave all of us a penis." "Even...
Bryan: If Heaven exists, what would you like God to say when you get to the Pearly Gates?
Kellin: Oh, wow... 'Kellin...'
Bryan: Kellin?
Kellin: 'We need to talk about some stuff, I don't know!' (laughs, along with Bryan)
Bryan: 'You're in big trouble, Kellin!'
Kellin: 'Kellin, you know, hey, we didn't quite make it there, did we?' is probably what God would say to me.
Bryan: What do you think he would give you on effort, from like an A+, a B+...?
Kellin: What do they give like Elementary kids? They didn't give A's or B's; they just gave like...they just gave like a P or an F, right?
Justin: Oh yeah! Pass--
Bryan: Pass or Fail.
Kellin: Yeah, I would probably get a F.
Bryan: Aww...
Kellin: No, actually, I'm pretty--I'm pretty solid on life. I'd probably get a P.
Bryan: P minus.
Kellin: (laughs) P minus!
Justin: Penis.
(Bryan and Kellin laugh)
Bryan: God would give you a penis!
(Bryan and Kellin crack up)
Bryan: I mean P minus! Sorry, that slipped out.
Justin: Now here's a penis! (pretends to look down his pants and points to the camera) Look for my debut!
Bryan: That's true; God gave all of us a penis.
Kellin: Even girls, they're just smaller!
Justin: No, they're just--they're innies.
Bryan: An in-ess?
Justin: (Pulls up his shirt) Looks like my belly-button!
5 tags
"I'm Kellin, I'm in a band called Sleeping With...
Kellin: What's up, guys? I'm Kellin, I'm in a band called Sleeping With Stainers.
Gabe: (waving) Hi guys.
Kellin: Nope! Cut! Dang it!
(new take)
Kellin: Hi, my name is Kellin from a band called Steeples And Sinners. CRAP!
(new take)
Kellin: (giving Gabe the mic) Tell 'em what it is.
Gabe: Hi guys, my name is Gabe, and I am in a band called Steekin' Stooters.
(Kellin laughs and grabs the mike from Gabe)
Kellin: We're in a band called Sleeping With Sirens.
6 tags
"But uh, you know, girls get crazy like that, and...
Chris: That's our uh, backdrop! (Points to a backdrop with the 'Outlawed' album cover design) We uh, just dropped a new CD called 'Outlawed' and it came out--
Kellin: (pointing to the backdrop) Talk about your CD in front of the background!
Chris: Alright.
(Chris walks over to the backdrop, and starts talking about the album cover VVV)
Chris: What's up, uh, this is uh, 2 girls making out, and they're exchanging dark liquor. And as you can also see, they're uh, exchanging smoke within their mouths. And um, it's kinda hidden, but they're also exchanging cum. It's kind of, uh, they're exchanging cum; it's just hard to see. It's the little white spots. But uh, you know, girls get crazy like that, and what am I gonna do except uh, just put it on a banner and say 'What's up... What the fuck is up?' Attila. Outlawed. In stores. Buy it; it's the best album that we've ever done, and if you disagree, then... Suck my fat white dick.
Kellin: Wow!
Chris: 'Cause that's--sorry, no, am I allowed to get harsh; is this a Christian channel?
Camera Guy: No.
Chris: Alright. So, alright, as long as there's no, um... Christians, we're fine. Um, you know, just uh... You know, just trying to please everybody. No offense, you know, but... We do bad things. You know, I mean, look. (Points to the backdrop) Uh, we promote everything bad, so-- People always ask, and you know what? Like, we just paid a couple hoes a couple of dollars and they did all this stuff for our backdrop, and... You know what? Fuck them, like look at them. They look like identical twins, or something. Like, that's fucked. (laughs)
(Kellin is standing in front of the backdrop. He looks at it, then the camera.)
Kellin: I feel really uncomfortable... I don't agree with any of this going on behind me, so--
Chris: Give me my God damn cup back, Christian! (Grins and takes a cup out of Kellin's hand) (laughs) Yeah!
6 tags
"'Austin and Jaxin are gay.'"
Jaxin: We really are really good friends with each other and stuff. Like, Austin and I live together, you know? Uh, we're just waiting for Prop 8 to get overturned.
Austin: OH! WOW! Thanks! Tha--that's good, yeah! Well, someone's gonna put THAT on AP! 'Austin and Jaxin are gay.' Yeah, okay. We both have hot girlfriends, by the way. Just sayin'.
4 tags
"...And uh, a lot of you are wondering why the...
Jesse: Hi.
Kellin: Hey guys... Uh, Kellin and Jesse... From Sleeping With Sirens... Sitting outside my mom's house in Michigan... And uh, a lot of you are wondering why the heck the 'Go Fist Your Pump--' (realizing what he said) 'Go Pump Your Fist' tour was canceled, with A Skylit Drive. (To Jesse) How do you even say it?
Jesse: (laughing) I don't know, I didn't really--I really never even read the name.
Kellin: It's like a tongue twister. Always catches me off-guard. I think it's 'Go Fist Pump Yourself.'
Jesse: 'Go Fist Pump Yourself.'
Kellin: Go Pump Fist.
Jesse: Or it might be 'Go Fist Bump.' It might be like 'Hey, bro.' Fist bump.
(Kellin and Jesse fist bump.)
Jesse: You know?
Kellin: That makes sense!
Jesse: That's something along the lines.
Kellin: That's something bros do!
Jesse: Yeah.
Kellin: We're a bunch of bros.
Jesse: Yeah, keep goin'.
Kellin: Anyways, jokes aside, um... Two reasons why our tour was canceled. Number one, for family reasons. Um, I don't wanna go into a lot of detail, I just want you to know that, um, we hope that your prayers and stuff go out with us because it's been a really really hard month for a few of our members, and also, um, you know, with the van situation... It was just too hard to continue this tour. Um, we got off the last tour with Sky Eats Airplane, the Death From Above tour, already going into this next tour with a lot van issues. And um, finally our van just gave out, somethin' that happens; it's machinery. It's auto motive stuff and when you're putting a lot of miles on vehicles, it's really hard to get going. And instead of dropping--you know--a lot a bit of money to get back out on this tour, we figured the best thing for us to do is to take a break; collect ourselves for these two weeks and be geared up and ready for the Pyknic Partery tour, which will be starting in July. Um, so I know a lot of you are frustrated that, you know, we have this show and these tour, and uh--or this tour all booked and everything, and we're not gonna be able to make it... But, there's hot because we're going out on this Pyknic Partery tour this summer, and we're gonna be visiting a lot of the same places that we would've been visiting over the two weeks, and many more. So--
Jesse: Yeah. For sure.
Kellin: Please come out, continue to support us--
Jesse: And still love us, even though we didn't show up, because we love you.
Kellin: We promise that we're not doing it because we don't wanna go on tour.
Jesse: We DO wanna go on tour. We all REALLY wanna go on tour.
Kellin: We're not doing it because we're flakes, and we just decided 'to heck with it, we deserve two weeks off...' This is what we wanna do for a living and, you know, sometimes things happen that you can't control, and the only way out of it is to just take a break and get yourself prepared for the next part of your journey. So...
Jesse: Yeah.
Kellin: Thank you guys for sticking with us and enjoying our music, uh, we're gonna post a couple more songs up on the Myspace, and we'll be back out in July. And there's a lot of really cool thing comin' up with Sleeping With Sirens, so stick with us; we won't steer 'ya wrong. (clicks his tongue and points at the camera.)
(A man standing in the background waves)
Jesse: (Waving) Bye.
Kellin: Hey, what is it again? Fist--Go... Pump Fist?
Jesse: Go Fist Pump Your--
Man in the background: You better do that again!
Kellin: Don't--Go Fist--
(Kellin and Jesse turn around to face the man)
(The man [probably a relative] chuckles)
Kellin: What?
Man: (gesturing to a little toddler girl standing next to him) We're back here in the background!
Kellin: That's awesome! (To Jesse) Hey, go--is it 'Go vist--'
Little Girl: What are you doing?!
Jesse: NOTHING!
Man: Hey--
Little Girl: What are you doing?!
Kellin: GET BACK IN THE HOUSE!
Girl: Hey, cut it out!!!!
Kellin: ... Fist bump?
Jesse: Yeah.
(They fist bump)
Kellin: See you guys next time.
Man: Let's watch it back!
15 tags
Big Love - Margene, Barb, and Nicki
Margene: Barb! Don't let her do it.
Barb: Do what?
Margene: Benny just told me what's going on. (looks at Nicki) She's trying to steal Bill for herself!
Nicki: I am doing nothing of the sort. All I want is a safe home for my daughter.
Margene: Oh, look. A big fat pig just flew past the window! Cara Lynn is just your excuse, as is a power-grab, pure and simple! I mean, you ALL but said it. You DID say it! 'I don't wanna share Bill.'
Barb: Well you can scarcely blame us if we all suspect that there might be some mixed motives at play, Nicki.
Margene: And protect her from who? From Gary, and now from her cousin? You are so controlling, you're alienating her.
(Cara Lynn listens in from the other room)
Nicki: I am controlling. She grew up on a compound. You don't know what that means; neither of you do. She's confused and messed up. I know! Oh, wait. Did I mention she just found out her abusive father is dead? That she is so damaged and twisted, she still thinks she loves him?
Barb: Well of course she's damaged, Nicki. Who wouldn't be?
Nicki: Oh, you have no idea!
(Wayne walks up to Cara Lynn)
Wayne: I thought you were getting more juice.
Cara Lynn: Barb's all out... Let's go.
(Cara Lynn and Wayne walk out)
Nicki: And it seems to me, not long ago, you were running around crying that a marriage degree was only a piece of paper. Or does that only apply to hot Serbian men?
Margene: That's different. I didn't lie and wait, watching and calculating, ready to pick us off one by one like a sniper!
(Nicki gets up)
Nicki: I am deeply...deeply insulted! I mean, if that's all you think this marriage means to me; if that's what you think is the depth of my commitment to us--
Barb: Nicki, sit down and stop grand standing! You ask as if this is nothing. There has never been a divorce in my family. Ever! Not even a paper one!
Margene: And I lived through my mom's divorces, and no matter hard everyone tries, they are ugly and they bring out the worst in people! I don't want that for our kids.
Nicki: If you wanna know who's truly threatening our happy home, you need to look no further than Barb and her wild ideas.
Barb: Do you MIND if I'M the one who tells her?
Margene: Oh no, what now?
Nicki: Barb wears the pants in this family now.
Barb: I leave it to you to reduce it to that!
Margene: What are you talking about?
Nicki: Barb has declared herself our new Priesthood Holder.
Margene: (confused) Like Bill and Ben?
Nicki: Exactly. She gives blessings, she preaches the Gospel, she makes all the decisions for us. But of course YOU'RE the expert now on Mormanism. I'm sure you know all that.
Barb: I believe women to be co-equal with men in our essential relationship with Heavenly Father.
Margene: Wait, what's so wrong with that?
Nicki: Ugh! Another perfect example of why I do not want you representing me in public!
Margene: You know, people think I'm the sunny face of Polygamy! I don't know why; maybe it's because I smile once in a while!
Barb: (To Nicki) You can be so utterly rigid and close-minded.
Nicki: No, this time it is NOT about me. It is not possible to overstate this! Bill's not gonna stand for it!
Barb: You don't give him enough credit.
Nicki: You know everything he does is about faith. Faith first, then family. What you are doing could tear us apart.
5 tags
Big Love - Margene and Bill
Margene: Bill! Nicki told me why you can't look at me!
Bill: Marge, go away. Not now.
Margene: I NEVER threw myself at another man! Please don't think that.
Bill: We'll talk about this at home.
Margene: I babysat for two other families before you, but nothing happened!
Bill: What are you wearing? Put a coat on!
Margene: I don't need a coat!
Bill: You do, you look like a teenie-bopper!
Margene: Bill, this isn't about me, this is about you! You've gotta forgive yourself. YOU have to change your perception of what you see. (points to her t-shirt) Look! (Reads her shirt) Change begins within!
Bill: Cover up, for crying out loud! Everyone will see you! And this just isn't the time or the place, believe me!
6 tags
Big Love - Margene and Nicki
Margene: I really need you to get over this whole 16 thing, Nicki. Nothing FEELS right anymore.
Nicki: I got you your new birth certificate, I can't fix everything.
Margene: It all feels so crazy; it's like Bill can't even love me in the same way.
Nicki: Sorry, Margie. I really wish I could help. I wish I could make it all go away.
Margene: Why are you so upset with me? I'm not you! I knew what I wanted.
Nicki: At 16? No one really knows.
Margene: I did! I wanted out. Any way I could!
Nicki: You were too young to make that choice.
Margene: NO! I wasn't.
Nicki: I'm sorry your sex life with Bill is SO difficult!
Margene: And I'm sorry your EARLY sex life was so rough.
Nicki: I don't wanna talk about my sex life with you! Not my current sex life, not my early sex life! And here's the huge reason! I was a victim of that system. And YOU were a perpetrator.
Margene: Why does everyone have to be either a perpetrator or a victim?! Why can't it be that Bill and I were in love? Your abuse is NOT my abuse, Nicki. I was a normal person. So you really REALLY need to get off my back.
6 tags
“They told us not to swear, but it was awfully close to being a ‘happy...”
– Jonnie Penn
3 tags
skins uk
Alex: You know what gay means, right?
Liv: (smiles) You put it where the sun don't shine?
3 tags
veronica mars!
Dick: Miss Dumb ass?
Teacher: It's Doo-MAHS-eh.
Dick: Well, my name's pronounced Ree-SHARD, and it stinks back here. I think someone DIED.
11 tags
"Worst Christmas Present?"
Grieves: You gotta... do this to us, because the fact is that we don't GET Christmas presents.
Budo: We don't and that might actually be the worst Christmas present we ever got, was being Jewish.
Grieves: HA HA!
10 tags
“I want 5 kids and I’m gonna name them Paul, Pauly, Paula, Paulina, and...”
– Ian Hecox
3 tags
“… I think your ring’s inside a stripper.”
– Alex Moran [Blue Mountain State] (Danny Brooks)
7 tags
Party Down
Henry: Wow, look at you! It's new Ron.
Ron: It's NEW new Ron.
Henry: Aha.
Ron: Being locked in that coffin, Henry, with monoway mon was some HEAVY shit, like what is it, life? Who am I? (chuckles)
Henry: And HOW high were you during this?
Ron: Not important. Don't do grass; get high on life.
Casey: The cereal? I didn't know that you could smoke cereal.
Ron: No. Existance. I was drifting in darkness, and I heard a voice. 'Only dead fish go with the flow.'
Casey: The voice of Sarah Palin?
Ron: Well, maybe God or Jesus, Buddha. Anyone of those guys. And uh, I went out, got a hair cut, joined AA, got a new back-up shirt. Don't drift through life. My take away from being locked in a coffin while high.
Henry: My take away? Don't get into a coffin while high.